Uncategorized

  • Greed
    There aren't many who will defend greed - the intense and selfish desire for something, especially wealth, power, or food. For some reason the word even sounds ugly. The only reason for this, that I can think of, is the associations we have with the idea of greed. It's a word we get to see and hear often today as people join in pointing fingers at the banks and corporations who want taxpayer money to save them from their gambling habit. The truth is they don't really want to be saved from their habit. They want to be saved from the consequences of their habit. When I read statements like those I just wrote I wonder how people know that about another. What is their authority for making such statements? What their authority is I do not know. Often it's judgment, blame and recrimination based on feelings of anger that come from feelings of helplessness that come from our fear that we're not in control of our own lives. This, however, is not my source of authority when I make the statements. My source of authority is observation of myself and our species over a few score of years.

    Somewhere I read a suggestion that the 700 billion dollars that was proposed as a handout to the gamblers be doled out to the citizens instead. Everybody would get a billion dollars. People liked the idea and were lining up for their share. It didn't make any sense to me. It sounded like greed at a grass roots level. If everyone had a billion dollars can you imagine what it would cost for a loaf of bread, a gallon of milk or gas? How long would it take for the haves to get it from the have nots? What? You think all this is an accident? We didn't do this? To whom was the money loaned if it wasn't us? People whose eyes were bigger than their paychecks. People who knew they couldn't afford to live in that house but were too greedy to live in the house they could afford. No, I didn't borrow money and then not pay it back. That's supposed to make me better than everyone who did. Greed comes from the fear that there won't be enough to go around. We won't get what we don't need now but are afraid we'll need in twenty years. I used to marvel at the news when it was rumored there was going to be a paper shortage. People ran to the stores and bought more toilet paper than they could store in their homes. The shelves were bare. I've lived long enough to see it with water, food, paper, pet rocks and hoola hoops. It's always happening with money, which, by the way, is nothing but dirty paper.

    Reminds me of the story of the woman the scribes and Pharisees brought to Jesus. They said to him, Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do you say? Jesus said, He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her. Apparently they weren't as stupid as we are. They began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones. Today we're choosing our stone from the pile and taking aim. It always amazed me that they only brought the woman. Where was the guy she was caught with, in the very act? Probably in the crowd looking for a rock. Just so you don't think I'm saying the gamblers are right I'll tell the rest of the story. Jesus said to her, Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you? She said, No one, Lord. And Jesus said, I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more. To paraphrase another golden oldie, Remove the billion dollars from your own eye before you try to get the million out of your brother's eye.

  • Understanding

    A comment someone made left me thinking about understanding. The dictionary wasn’t much help because the way it defined understand was perceive the intended meaning of (words, a language, or speaker): he didn’t understand a word I said. He could usually make himself understood. So I looked up misunderstand and it told me fail to interpret or understand (something) correctly. This simply doesn’t work for me. The way I see understanding is as a force. If you’ve got enough force you can understand and if you haven’t got enough force you don’t understand. At the same time it isn’t something you either have or don’t have, like turning a light on or off. It’s more like a brown out if you don’t have enough force or power to light the bulb. The more force you have the brighter the light and the more you can understand about some specific thing. It baffled me for years how people could get upset with something I said because they didn’t have the force to understand it. That’s not my problem anymore than it was my algebra teacher’s problem that I didn’t have enough force to understand algebra in school. We love to blame others for our lack. It would have been wonderful for me to be able to say her teaching left me without understanding but the truth was I didn’t care for algebra, I didn’t get it easily, I didn’t like numbers and I wasn’t going to do the work to get the force to understand it. My bad.

    Creating the force of understanding is my responsibility. Almost everyone I know can agree with that. As long as it’s not their responsibility to create the force of understanding in themselves. It’s got to be the speaker, teacher, other person’s fault that we don’t understand what they’re saying. The perspective I have is much more powerful. If we don’t understand we don’t have to depend on someone else to make himself understood. It’s up to us. We are in charge of what we understand or don’t understand. We can create the force of understanding in ourselves if that’s what we want to do. If it’s not, we can go back to being victims and blaming others for our lives. For me, understanding is something that can be deepened from surface to core. We may understand that if we put the key in the ignition of the car and turn it the car will start. Someone who has invested more may understand how and why the car will start when the key is turned in the ignition. Understanding is the greatest force that we can create in ourselves. Think for a moment what it would mean if we could understand one another and not just assume we do. Understanding the meaning of life would change us inside and cause us to behave differently in every area of life. What if we understood that all life is one? How much more difficult it would be to lie, cheat and steal from one another to say nothing of hating and murdering one another. Could we really have wars and an understanding of our connectedness? Misunderstandings would not exist and we’d know there never was any such thing.

    The other thing about understanding is that the deeper our understanding is the more we understand. A mother who understood her child could not be upset with the child’s behavior because she would understand what made the child act that way. She would also know there was nothing the child could do about it outside of creating the force of understanding in himself. It all makes sense to me the way reading a book makes sense if we can see the page. If we know how to read all we need is enough light to see the words on the page. The amount of force that we’ve been able to generate in ourselves will determine how well, how deeply we understand the words on the page. Just because we understand things differently doesn't mean you don't understand or I don't understand. All it really means is that one of us understands more. It's our pride that demands that we be the one who understands more than the other person. The thing about understanding is that if we think we've got it we'll never create more of it in ourselves. How silly is it to close ourselves off by thinking we understand all there is to understand about something?

  • Moonshadow


    T    he last time the look and feel of this page was changed I failed to mention it. It’s not that every change is worth mentioning but more like every gift is worth acknowledging. Back in May of 2004 I met (online) a xangan who has been a steadfast friend ever since. She has always been there for me when I’ve needed help with some design or other. Moniet has never said no to me. Mostly, she has designed the banners for this site and Buddy Love’s site (before xanga shut it down for being under age). The other day I emailed her and told her I had an idea I wanted to have reflected in the page design. As I was thinking about the awesomeness of my life the lyrics of Cat Steven’s song, Moonshadow came to mind. The way it looks to me is that I am the most fortunate man who has ever lived. Normally I wouldn’t use the word blessed because of the religious associations people have with the word. The meaning was influenced by its being used to translate Latin benedicere ‘to praise, worship,’ and later by association with BLISS.  Bliss works for me. I’m not always in a state of bliss but for a while now it’s been where I spend most of my time. I’m being followed by a moonshadow.

    Did it take long to find me? I asked the faithful light. Did it take long to find me? and are you gonna stay the night? The stupid things I’ve done throughout life have all been sorted out one way or the other. I can’t help but feel blessed. I’m not saying I’m more blessed than others. What I am saying is that I am grateful. Something has made my life what it is and it wasn’t me. It has all worked out in spite of me. I feel like I’m being followed by a moonshadow. What is that moonshadow? It’s the faithful light of truth that has never let me down no matter how many times I’ve let it down. This feeling has been so overpowering lately I wanted something that would say it out loud. For nothing is hidden, except to be revealed; nor has anything been secret, but that it would come to light. Being back at xanga has helped me to appreciate this moonshadow gift. According to what I’ve read not everyone feels this way. Many folks are struggling with the political scene, the financial landscape of the nation and a sense of gloom. There’s no question these are troubled times.

    It sounds so trite to say, It’s always darkest before the dawn. It should sound trite because it’s not true. It’s not always darkest before the dawn because for some people the dawn doesn’t come. It stays dark. If they have something to do with that or not I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m being followed by a moonshadow and it lights up my darkest hours. If you’re not being followed by a moonshadow you’re welcome to share mine. Thanks to everyone and everything that has made this a beautiful life. Thanks for reading. Be happy.

  • Guru
    Some of you know that my dog, Buddy Love, is also my Guru. He's teaching me how to love. I'm not the quickest study but he's a very patient teacher. People have mentioned him a few times lately so I thought it was time for a Buddy Love update. It must be hard work for him being my Guru because every time I look for him he's sleeping. Without further ado, heeeeeerrrrrsssss Buddy! Well, sort of . . .

    Dude. I'm tired.

    Still keeping an eye on you.

    I'm not cross-eyed and turn off that flash!

  • Airplane!

    Don't let the title fool you. I haven't finally stopped talking about the kindness experiment. Maybe this was a bad time to start talking about kindness. An election year is rarely kind with all the mudslinging on the campaign trail. People tend to take positions for or against things they can't do anything to change. We're still at war and that's harsh. That makes two wars. The civil war at home between the parties and the other war on foreign soil. It reminds me of the 1980 film, Airplane! Lloyd Bridges played the part of the air traffic controller, Steve McCroskey. During the crisis he kept saying things like:
     
    Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.
    Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.
    Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
    Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.

    It looks like I picked the wrong time to propose a partnership of kindness. Maybe a better way to phrase it would be: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit being myself. Most people don't have the time and patience to be kind. Life doesn't support kindness the way it engenders selfishness and thoughtlessness. Being selfish and thoughtless is as easy as floating down river on a raft. The amount of energy it takes to not be snippy when we're feeling grumpy (and who doesn't feel grumpy from time to time?) is like trying to get the raft to go against the current of the river. Perhaps I would have been better served if I'd remembered one of my favorite Robert Heinlein quotes: Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig. It probably wouldn't have done any good because I know he also said, Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done and why. Then do it.

    Many of us don't know how pissed off we are until some seemingly minor event triggers an eruption of negativity. We call it speaking our mind, telling the truth, blowing off steam, setting the record straight, ranting, etcetera. That's such a great word I couldn't bring myself to abbreviate it. Yes, it takes more effort to type out etcetera in place of etc. It's good practice. I'm not really in a hurry. Little things are important to me because they help me to be more aware of the choices I have in the moment in which I find myself. Part of the reason so many of us are so pissed off is because we feel we don't have many choices. I'm not talking about the upcoming election either. There are hundreds, and maybe even thousands of choices we feel like we don't have. Rather than moan about that I got the idea it would be more productive for me to see what choice I have right now. To do that I'd have to be here right now and not wandering around in memories or plans which connect me to the past and future respectively. Past and future also keeps me chained to the commentator in my head who's got something to say about everything that passes. The problem is compounded when I take the commentator in my head as myself. It's not I. How I know that is because when it talks to me it says, you. You shouldn't have done that. You're so stupid. You'll never get it. You don't have to take that. That's when I remind it that it is not I and it can piss off. *smile* It works. Try it.

  • Weakness
    One of the big considerations I've had about being who I'd like to be instead of what the world has shaped me to be is weakness. Being kind, sweet, thoughtful, generous and forgiving are viewed by many in our culture with suspicion. In more severe cases such a person is despised for his weakness. Murder is manly, violence is exciting and kindness is boring. The odd contradiction is that many women say they want men who are more sensitive but those are not the men they choose. Our DNA kicks in and we go for the one who looks like he'll win the fight, produce strong offspring that will survive the savage wild of Wall Street, dating, the educational system and our regularly scheduled wars. Nice guys finish last. I don't know if anyone ever reads the links and click backs I leave for them but that's not going to stop me from leaving them. Last night, in one of our group meetings, a man said he didn't want to be vulnerable. He didn't have to say anything else about it. We all got it. Being vulnerable is being weak and that means being hurt, bruised, ridiculed and run over. What? You didn't know? Could be part of the reason so many gay men find it difficult to let the world know they love men. Many *gay men today fear gay bashing as much as gay men did when I was a child. It's not a groundless fear.

    Please don't misunderstand me (unless you want to). I'm not saying all gay men are sensitive. Any gay man will be able to tell you that's not true. Ask any straight man and he'll tell you not all women are sensitive. Relationships really do bring our flaws to the surface. It's why we keep going back to them after so many failed attempts at coupling. Something in us wants to improve in spite of our fear of change and the unknown. The day we realize the one constant in every failed relationship was us, we may make the space to be able to consider inner change. It's possible. It happens. Go along cautiously thought because there's a price to pay for looking within. We run the risk of change. Admittedly, it's not a very high risk since we have a self-justification safety net under us most of the time.

    Oh, by the way, I'm not coming out and saying I'm gay. Not because I'm afraid of what people might think, say or do. It's simply because I'm not gay. It doesn't preclude me from having friends who are though. Thanks for reading this far. Remember to try to be there for someone today.

    *In the event I've not been politically correct with words it's not because I'm ignorant or obstinate. It's that changing words instead of behavior is dishonest and I try not to subscribe to such toxic propaganda during waking moments.

  • Wonder

    People impress me with a sense of wonder. I have a desktop electronic dictionary I use for pinpointing what I'm trying to say. This time the definition of the word was exactly what I wanted. Wonder is a feeling of surprise mingled with admiration, caused by something beautiful, unexpected, unfamiliar, or inexplicable. The comments people have been leaving concerning our experiment have been wonderful. It's the easiest thing in the world for most of us to give mental assent to an idea without ever involving ourselves in the practical application of the idea. It can look like this: Yeah, I'll try to be kind. I'm always kind. There are some people who are kinder than others. Kindness was not something of value in the family in which I was raised. Sarcasm, wit and a decidedly unkind humor were taught through example and rewarded with approval. Unfortunately I was a good student. Being kind was, and often is, an uphill struggle for me. When I read comments like, You know when feeling grumpy it is hard to think of kindness, I really do know. Name calling was a way of life in our family. When I read, I haven't said anything bad about the knuckleheads I work with for a day or two, I smiled. Knuckleheads can be a pet name or something unpleasant. What followed led me to think it was more of a pet name. Oh. I just called them knuckleheads. Does that count against me? Not to me it doesn't. When I read, I am chagrined to say that some unpleasantry had entered my mind, it capped off the feeling of wonder.

    You're doing it. You are trying and failing, trying and succeeding, trying and trying again. Sometimes with a sense of humor and sometimes with a sense of chagrin. The truth is there is no failure in this. Experiments can't fail. When you do an experiment it's not to get a particular result. It's done to see what will happen. It's a learning process. What do we learn from this experiment? Different people learn different things from their own experiments. Some have learned how hard it is to remember to do what they said they would do. Others have learned how difficult it can be to be kind toward another when we're not feeling chipper ourselves. We may learn how automatic and thoughtless unkind words can erupt from our mouths even when we're not feeling particularly unkind or negative. Others may find, as I have, that we were not well trained in kindness as children. Perhaps the values we acquired are not the ones we wish to value now.

    Maybe being kind doesn't have anything to do with those toward whom we are directing our efforts. As one person said, Part of being kinder often means being kinder to one's self as well as others. It could be you'll find it's all about you. If we can become more sensitive to our own inner states we may find that being kind to others helps us to be kinder to ourselves. Being kind to one's self isn't always treating yourself to something like dessert or new shoes. It could be simply giving yourself the space to make mistakes without allowing the critic in your head to berate you. My own unfortunate experience has shown me that people who are habitually unkind live with a much unkinder voice in their heads that turn on them when it's not occupied with others. The biggest change for me has been the change of internal dialog. Rather than hearing that voice in my head call me stupid when I make a mistake I've found that the awareness I've gained from the experiment has enabled me to be kind even to myself. Yes, I'm inspired by you and your efforts. It's refreshing to find a few people who are willing to try again. Trying again is what it's all about. Not every effort we make meets with success. Especially if we've made the error of expecting a certain result. Thank you.

  • Courage

    There was a time I would have been discouraged that ten people had agreed to try an experiment like the one suggested here. Oh, I wouldn't have admitted it but I would have felt it. Then again I would have also gloated a little too. Not so much out of smugness or malignant pleasure as a kind of reassuring, self-salving kind of thing. The truth is I'd like the world to be different from the way it is today. The mind says it would be lovely if people were more thoughtful of others, expressed kindness to those they knew and took for granted. Right. It's much easier to be kind to a stranger than it is to someone we deal with day in and day out, year after year. Those close to us we take for granted. We can see their flaws on a daily basis and be irritated out of any kind of positive state we may wish to inhabit. The temptation to live in negative states is powerful when we know the person. Such people as those we know more intimately are subject to greater requirements from us. We know what they think and how they should behave. It's easier to imagine that strangers are better people than those we know.

    What helps me to stay out of those unpleasant states of mind is simple arithmetic. I calculate the opposing forces of an idea. Take the idea of kindness for example. Realistically, there are not many people who read what I write here. Certainly more people read Ann Landers or a comic strip than read what I've written. It's nice that the kind of people who read here are so quick to take part in an experiment like the one suggested. The laws of physics tell us an object at rest remains at rest. It takes effort to get a ball rolling once it has come to rest. Our ordinary states are like that ball. To bring about any kind of inner change we would have to be different. Being different takes effort. I know. Isn't that rude? You can't be different and stay the same. It's such a simple idea yet we cling to who and what we are as if our life depended upon it. We think our way is the right way, or at least a better way. Our thoughts are the right thoughts and if we could only get others to see the logic of them the world would be a better place. Surely people would think like us if they knew better. The opposition to that thought is the fact that we all know better and act worse. It's the substance of regret.

    Now there are at least ten other people who have, to varying degrees, agreed to try a daily experiment with me. That's pretty exciting! It started with an idea and then grew to ten. What if each of those ten remembered the experiment one day and touched one other person? That's another ten. If they remember two days that's twenty. Whether they do or don't, it has inspired me to remember and make the effort. Not just the effort to be kind but the effort to refrain from unkindness. Refraining from unkindness, thoughtlessness and other negative states may not seem like much at first but the more you think about it the more appealing the idea is. If you don't drop the pebble in the water the ripples never start and the pond can stay calm. Like the ball at rest. Admittedly, it doesn't take much effort to be unkind. It just kind of happens when we get in a bad state. Almost anything can trigger it. Interruptions, a tight lid on a jar, not being appreciated for something we've done are a few of the reasons we may get in a bad state. Sometimes it takes more courage not to be unkind than it does to be kind. Thank you for making the effort and for your partnership. I appreciate you.

  • Partnership


    Negative ideas have an attractive power. Negative ideas sweep people up and carry them along paths they would not travel if not under their influence. General William Tecumseh Sherman said, war is hell. Throughout history millions have learned this truth first hand, yet we continue to rally to either take part in or support the hell. It’s not our awareness of truth but our ignorance of it that makes us susceptible to negative ideas. Good news papers don’t sell. Negative news papers do. Negative idea movies are box office hits while films that promote peace, love and understanding find it difficult to make it to a theater. It’s not because we’re bad people. It’s because negative ideas have an attractive power and we don’t know how to get out from under their influence. Without positive ideas we are swept over the falls like a piece of driftwood in a raging river. Believing in one positive idea and acting on it can turn the tide in one’s life.

    Last time I suggested we remember the kindness people showed one another after the September 11 disaster. It’s a positive idea that has the power to begin turning one’s life from a negative morass to a foothold for inner freedom from the attractive power of negative ideas. It won’t make negative ideas go away or stop the influence they have over humanity. If worked with it could help to lessen the influence negative ideas have on you. Because negative ideas do not require awareness to influence us they are powerful. Because positive ideas do require awareness and cooperation they are inherently more powerful than unconscious negative ideas. Positive ideas are more powerful precisely because they require our conscious participation. They tap into one of the greatest powers in the universe to which we have access. The power of alert inner awareness. Negative ideas attract people unconsciously. Positive ideas bring people together through conscious cooperation. It takes more consistent effort to be conscious than it does to go with the flow of the attracting power of negative ideas.

    I’d like to extend an invitation to you. I invite you to partner with other people who might wish to entertain one positive idea. Let’s take as an example the simple idea of kindness. Remembering what power there is in acts of kindness we might attempt to do one act of kindness each day for a week. Just trying to remember to be kind will make a difference in our consciousness. Then, rather than let the attractive power of negative ideas suck us back down into unconscious reactions to events, we could aim for two acts of kindness each day for the second week. What will happen? I don’t know. Who will want to do this with me? I don’t know. This is simply an invitation to try an experiment--a partnership of kindness. It won’t stop war, crime, starvation or ignorance in the world. It probably won’t make featured content or featured weblog. Why should it? It’s a positive idea and it’s going to take effort. Besides, I’m interested in partners not recognition. If even the attempt helps to make you the tiniest bit more aware of how you interact with others it will be a good experiment. Here's a Podcast related to these ideas.

  • Wish


    To wish is to feel or express a strong desire or hope for something that is not easily attainable; want something that cannot or probably will not happen. If peace is possible or not on a world scale I do not know. It is possible for an individual. It may not be likely for most individuals as we tend to be dualistic thinkers. Not being able to reconcile opposites is a powerful bar on the door to internal peace. The way we frame questions betrays our dualistic thought process. Are you pro choice or pro life? I’m both. I’m pro life in that I think every child should have the right to live. I’m pro choice in that I think every mother has the right to choose. But, but, but, what about the child? Who will speak for the child? I don’t claim to have any ultimate answers to those kinds of questions. Looking for final solutions outside the individual leads to some very nasty final solutions. From my perspective the world cannot be changed but an individual can grow and develop. So rather than direct my energies to changing the world by saving the whales, polar bears and rain forests I work on my own state of consciousness. If, in the process of working on me, I may meet other individuals who also wish to alter their own inner states I’m happy to share.

    The date, September 11, evokes mixed emotions in many people worldwide. We’re asked to remember. Memory is an imperfect thing but this moment is real. What we may remember in this moment about the past is also mixed. Perhaps we can’t help remembering certain things, painful things, horrible things, frightening things. Images can burn impressions into the mind with an emotional branding iron. What I’m suggesting is that we bring a little directed attention to our remembering today. Rather than allowing the media, our past associations and prejudices to dictate what we remember we might try, as individuals, to be selective about our memories. Yes, I remember what I was doing that day and how I heard about it. I remember the loss, destruction and grief. All of those things are there in my memory and in the collective memory of the people of earth. It’s part of history now. The thing about history is that it tends to repeat if we don’t do something different from what we have always done. Who is we? You and I. It has to start and end with me because I’m the only one I might be able to change.

    Take a moment to remember the kindness that people showed toward one another for a couple of weeks after that day. Remember the way the country felt in the aftermath of such loss and sadness? Not the reaction of wanting to hit back, but the feeling that we were all in this together. The crime rate dropped nationwide in the days that followed. People were nicer on the roads. More willing to show kindness. Not in so much of a hurry. People shared with one another more readily in the same way that friends bring food to the home of a family after the funeral of one of its members. The great suffering that people experienced that day and in the weeks that followed had the affect of softening the hearts of many people. Maybe you too felt softer inside. More hopeful in spite of the obvious insanity of the situation. Remember that softness and willingness to trust the other guy. Slow down and be kind on the road today. Let someone cut in line without demanding your rights or getting your knickers in a knot. Rather than take a moment to be quiet and remember may I suggest you take a moment as often as you are reminded this day? I wish we could remember the kindness that followed those events.

James

Recent Comments