May 7, 2004
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Adversity
Chatting with Jess this morning she mentioned there was a new tone to my writing went along with the new colors and images. She called it, an intensity or a quiet strength, underneath the serenity and acceptance that was already there in your writing before. The response flowed from my fingertips was, Adversity often tests us and brings out that for which we have been striving in times of non adversity. That's not always the case though is it? Sometimes it's the adversity that breaks us and we use it to hold ourselves down for life. There are people never get off the mat after being knocked down. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I don't like being in the ring at all. Given the chance I'll get out. But some folks get into the fray and can't stop going back in for another shot at the title. I used to have sparring partners in life. When I gave up sparring I became a boring person and the relationships began to either change or deteriorate depending on the person's willingness or unwillingness to respect my change of mind.
Now, when I run into someone likes to spar I back away. It's not that I don't appreciate someone's right to disagree with me. I appreciate my right not to disagree with the person more. I'm not interested in convincing anyone. I'm not selling anything. I share what I've discovered or that with which I'm working because it's something to do while I live my life. I like people, interacting with them, seeing the light in their eyes and face or hearing the difference in their voice when they have a shift in consciousness. Contrary to popular opinion, I'm nobody special. Just a guy on a path trying to make my way toward the light where I'll be able to see things more objectively. As Kim put it last night, hahaha you watch south park obi wan? There are many obstacles with which one must learn to come to grips.
There can be a problem when a relationship built on adversity runs into smooth water. People often feel they have no connection without the drama. So they keep trying to create the drama so they can feel connected. But if one has determined to leave the drama without leaving the relationship it's a matter of time before the other must decide to do one or the other. Leave the relationship or leave the drama. Adversity can be a drug for many people. It cuts two ways. Either we're addicted to it or addicted to avoiding it. Since adversity can't be completely avoided in this life we must learn to deal with it without becoming controlled by it. It's a full time job picking your way through that mine field.
Comments (39)
I think I threw myself on the grenade.
Okay, not really. My last boss HAD to be right. Always. Which was difficult, because I am, in fact, always right *smiles sweetly* But working with her taught me that there is no sense in arguing. I can calmly state my opinion, and let them rage if they must, without being affected by it.
You're right; it's impossible to avoid all adversity, so we do need to know how to cope with it. I myself am generally a non-confrontational person, but I do have several friends who like to argue just for the sake of arguing. As long as it's good-natured, I just let them, and figure since I'm not as into it as they are, their winning will just give them a little ego boost. Most of them need it anyway.
I'm with you, James...I try to avoid it. But I don't mind a bit of drama now and then...that's why I read and watch TV...it
As one who took 20 years to figure out that staying on the mat when knocked down would sometimes be the wisest move, and that sometimes getting up to keep fighting is also sometimes the best move, I can only say that what I'd like most of all is to not even be close enough to SEE the ring anymore. But that just is not happening these days.
I could well live without adversity but it's thrown at me it seems constant and that is when I open my big mouth in preparation for my foot. I would prefer not to be political, analytical or anything at all, I'd just like to write poetry and I like writing poetry that is appreciative of the good things that surround us. It doesn't work all the time, avoiding the adversity, as I have written more than one blog that I am pretty sure have turned a few people off but hey, it happens and writing as honestly as I do, that turns off a lot of people also.
Nap time here, I'm tired from all the adversity and that's the truth.
I had such a paradigm shift when I stopped drinking. not fighting is winning. surrendering isn't the same as losing. etc etc etc.
asking for help? advice? me? ha. but now... life is easier accept how little I do know, and how far I have to go. it makes me appriciate how far I've come all the more.
Since adversity can't be completely avoided in this life we must learn to deal with it without becoming controlled by it.
Interesting and valuable, those last five words. Thank you.
i hate drama. i don't go lookin' for it, and i certainly don't invite it. but there's people in my life (certainly not my wife) who must have it, and quite often they bring it to our door like room service!
that's where i'm weak. i can't just shrug it off. i don't get involved in it, mind you, but it makes me so bloody mad i spit nails! maybe one day i'll be able to let myself get swept up into someone else's made-up tragedies and not find it offensive....
abso-f'ing-lutely, brother love. right on the nail. as per usual. i find this easier with some than with others. i'm more of the leave the drama out sort but the Universe isn't finished making sure that i know that lesson yet. hence the appearance of Coyote at times. maybe like cosmic reinforcement to avoid certain paths. i dunno.
have a great weekend, a peaceful one, give that Buddy Love some Canuck love too, eh? cheers.
wow
drama - some people just thrive on it. after living in a sorority i am completely incapable of bullshit. i can spot it a mile away. but you're right - it can just creep into your life at the strangest and most unexpected moments
oh yeah - i left you a present on my blog - a pic of that ugly sweater. YIPEE!!
Yeah, I've known a few people addicted to drama in my time. I have cut them loose from my life though. Too boring for me. I prefer to find the humor and joy in life no matter the situation.
Enjoy your weekend.
tiptoe through the tulips...that's me
i really like "boring people."
WOW!!!
I love the new look!! Love the banner. I don't like drama, mine or anyone else's. Finally getting rid of a bunch of mine. What a relief!
Hope you are well!
Ah drama . . . you know how much of a drama, adversity, and anger addict I was (along with my other addiction). To be free of that - well, it can't really be described. Not by me, anyway
Our conversation really made my day - I felt very enlightened after chatting with you. Thank you for sharing a couple of hours with me, for helping me to learn a little (ok, let's be honest, a LOT
) and to get my weekend off to a great (spiritual!) start.
Hugs and love to you, Buddy Love, and "the gang" in your home
I think I am a recovering drama-holic. For years it seemed I lived from one crisis to the next, nearly always self-imposed. Looking back, I see it as means for making myself and my life feel "important." Sad, yeah, I know. Now, I eschew drama ... especially drama for drama's sake (you know the kind, to make life interesting). I've even discovered the "eye" in the middle of most adversity. If I can't find it, I can honestly say, I've become a hell of a storm rider, riding out the worst of it.
I don't have far to look if I feel like sparring, though more and more I'd just as soon sit and be quiet. A woman I have great respect for was telling me about singing "Jingle Bells" in my head when I'm around people who exert a negative influence...now if I could just remember to do that...
-M
Wow I love the new look. And by the way in reference to your post, I love being a boring person these days. No drama for this mama
Take care James....I really like the new look
ah... yes.
i've played that particular game far too often myself. i'll keep this in mind.
see, now i have a target to aim for.....
there's a big leap between "this sucks" and "i want that" sometimes it's too obvious too se yourself.
I have a teenager in my house. I know drama. Therefore, I avoid it as much as possible elsewhere. There are, as you said, those who continue to drag you into it, but you just have to press on with your own life.
Yellow suits you. Not yellow as in "you yellow belly, blah blah blah"...just yellow as in pretty calm.
And a mine field it truly is.
Steve
I so understand the feeling. I am tired of people who make major productions out of things.
I like to avoid reading about dealing with adversity.
hahaha. Actually, my life sometimes feels like adversity. I think I might be temporarily stuck on the ropes right now. And I might be punching myself.
I'm not really sure because I'm dizzy from the punches, though.
your right it is a mine field and one wrong step and pow...
touche! as a former drama queen, the wisdom of hindsight provides me with the answer to it's purpose. since i have embarked on the inner journey, drama has lost its significance and purpose. and i can really relate to that sparring partner theme! i think the only purpose of my last relationship was to have someone to fight with every day. how boring was that? acceptance is the key to serenity. when i accept someone or something, i only need ask myself if it can enhance my journey. if not, i must disengage.
Adversity / stress can lead to adrenaline overload which can, in turn, lead to burnout. Many are addicted to their adrenaline flow and can't function without it. I once worked for a boss who was like that.
Adrenaline and insuline are antagonists, each destroying the other. When you are not under stress, you come down off of that adrenaline high and resume normal metabolism -- and normal modes of thinking. You can actually become calm.
Some people don't like that. They want to be in some kind of constant high, whether due to adrenaline or sugar or some other substance that disrupts metabolism or the mental processes. An adrenaline boost is a good thing when you're in peril, hunting for food, or displaying or competing for mating favors, but too much wears the body out prematurely.
Honing the mind and using it well can be as satisfying as any physical high, as you must know well.
Am
I'm one of those who tries to avoid adversity.
James, I know exactly what you're saying about adversity in relationships. And relationships built in adversity having trouble with the smoother water.
It's so easy, looking back. It's much harder when you're in the midst of it all, trying to keep your head about you.
Thanks for the words, and I'm glad you overcame the jerk who thought it might be 'cool' to do what they did.
Peace,
Shane
i am confident that you are not a bad boy. your posts consistently manifest spiritually enlightenment. the bad boy is an immature, self centered, insecure being. unfortunately, the women who are/were attracted to them are a mirror image (as in all relationships). pain is the great motivator and that's what compelled my growth and recovery from such attraction.
Your alternate universe appeals to me and the name James has special meaning to me.--Elaine
I'll start to worry about your writing when you begin to type in hot pink.
Once upon a time, I wouldn't have understood a word you said here.
It's hitting home.
When one grows up in a sparring family, it changes the person. Like a child of an alcoholic, it seems to split one's choices into all or none. Either the person spars (or drinks) to excess, or avoids it like a plague. I choose peace. If someone wants an argument, they can go elsewhere. I can entertain other opinions and keep my own without being driven to pound the point home. Occasionally, with a good friend, I can debate for short spurts. But the moment the debate becomes heated, I back off and out of the game. It just is not entertaining for me, nor is it enlightening or food for growth. I like your new approach, James. It's very inviting.
I loathe my treasure. I treasure my loathe. Peace has never quite been a friend to me. Neither has war certainly.
I have one particular friend who I like to call up and say hello to every now and again. I believe that she believes that I call to argue. As far as I know, I don't, but we almost always end up discussing the finer points of issues like why I think feminism is a tried and true failure (her being a feminist), or something of that nature.
Not exactly an arguement. More of a consultation. I wonder if that is in fact the purpose for my calling her.
We don't get angry with one another. In fact, I am comforted by the adversity of her point of view. I'm not experienced with life enough yet to know whether taking comfort in adversity is good for me or not.
-B
-B
After living what seems to be the better part of my life on the battlefield, I avoid conflict/drama like the plague. But there are times it seems as though it seeks me out. I think you're comparison of adversity to a drug is right on the mark. Also, like the new look.
Hey James,
I blink and change happens..very nice new look - moniet did a grand job with the banner...
Funny, yesterday playing paintball, my son commented that I don't play "to win" anymore, instead I play to have fun...told him thanks. We discussed how much more you win when you enjoy the play more than the outcome.
Of course, the next round, he promtply shot me...
Peace...PJ
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